Rants Volumes 1 through 5:

1. [link]
2. [link]
3. [link]
4. [link]
5. [link]

Subway Rants Volume 6. The grand finale. (I promise)


1. -"Natural disaster, Let's all go to Subway!"
Ok, does anyone here besides me see something completely wrong with this? "Black ice on the road, let's risk our lives for some sandwiches!" "Mt. Rainier erupting? No problem! They can just toast our sandwiches on the hot lava that's flowing through the store!" I shit you not, everytime the weather is especially bad, be it wind storms, monsoon type rain, icy roads, Subway manages to get WAY busier than usual! OMGWTFBBQ!

2. -Is that everything for you? "Yes it is...I want 3 cookies!"
This happens....ALL the time. It's like people don't have any listening skills anymore whatsoever. I ask them a question such as "will that sandwich be everything for you?" and they say "yes it will...I'd also like a drink with that. etc" Ok, this isn't exactly something to get bent out of shape over, and not nearly as bad as many other stupid things customers can do at Subway, but why the bloody hell would you reply with a "Yes" if that's most definitely NOT everything that you will be having. It totally defeats the purpose of me asking that question in the first place.

3. -People who don't understand coupons.
Ladies and gentlemen, if you have any reading skills whatsoever (and selective reading doesn't count), you would come to find that coupons are not really as hard to figure out as ancient scrolls that need to be translated. I swear people purposely don't read everything on coupons just so they can try to find some loophole to be exploited. "But it says I get a FREE 6 INCH!" Yes, but read the one line below that also says "with the purchase of a footlong." FAIL. Oh, and don't even think about taking your anger out on me just because the only reading skills you have are the selective reading type.

4. -Sundays.
This is one of those things that comes with my job and I should technically just shut up and deal with, but I'm going to bitch about it anyway. About 2 months ago, Subway started doing this really crappy promotion of "buy two footlongs, get a 3rd footlong free." It's one of those things that even Subway owners don't like because they lose money everytime someone exploits this promotion. The people who thought of it are the ones sitting in tall castle-like buildings wearing their $1,000 suits and probably never stepped foot into a Subway their whole lives. Their motto is, "Since I don't have to deal with it, it's A-ok by us! Let the little sandwich drones take on the extra work, and oh, let's not compensate them at all for all the extra sandwiches they will be making that day! Sounds good to me!"


5. -"That's not what I wanted! Even though I stood there and didn't say a single word while you were making the sandwich."
"What the fuck" is the only sentance that comes to mind for the start of this rant. This doesn't happen "often" but happens enough for it to be noticeable. We get idiots who order a sandwich, and stand there the entire time not saying a single thing while watching the entire thing be made, but then to later come back and say "this wasn't made right, I want a new one!" People like that don't even deserve the original sandwich I made if they are going to act that stupid about it. Motto of this rant: If I do something wrong to your sandwich while I am still in the process of making it, don't just sit there like a dumbshit and not say anything. Use that hole of yours called a mouth and tell me so I can fix it on the spot.

6. -TOURNAMENTS!!!!
-Another thing that comes with the territory but it sucks massive ass. What is this thing you ask? School sports tournaments! This may or may not include the following: Basketball games, wrestling matches, volleyball games, and more. What does this mean for little old me? It means the entire store is up to its ass in soccer moms and their tournament playing kids. I'm talking about a never-ending sea of people flooding in at a constant rate. Why? Because on tournaments, EVERYONE wants to go to Subway at the exact same time. For the love of God, I cannot reiterate this enough...it's every single parent and kid in the entire town of Auburn and they all come to...you guess it...Subway.

7. -People who actually get pissed when you go fast. Yes, this happens.
-Let me get something straight here so as not to confuse anyone. I work with the "Wham, bam, thank you ma'am" method. That means I get them in and I get them out as fast as possible and we go on with our merry little lives. (unless there is no customer behind the one I'm working on and are very friendly, then a convo will ensue.) Otherwise, if it's busy, it's gonna be wham, bam, thank you ma'am. Why? Because I most likely have a fucketload of things in the back room that I have not finished. Sometimes I get people that actually get pissed off when I go extremely fast, even though I'm making no mistakes. "This isn't a race, slow down!" That re-affirms my theory that people are never satisfied.

8. -Wanting different sauces at the end.
There is a reason why we ask you what sauces you'd like while we are standing directly in front of them. I promise that it's not really a blind spot where we have a chance to spit in your food. It's so we don't have to move all the way back there to grab a sauce bottle because you didn't tell us that you wanted a certain sauce on it until we were on the other side of the counter and about ready to wrap your sandwich up. But I guess having people telling us what sauce they want while we are in front of the sauce bottles is too hard of a concept for many people. *facepalm*

9. -Liars who are too stupid to know they are on video.
Guess what! This may come as a shock to you, but there are many people out there who STILL don't realize they are on video tape! This has happened more than once. A customer will come in, something won't go right, and a big scene ensues. (usually the scene results in the customer not getting their way or not reading the menu boards right so they throw a tantrum) Then, they have the balls to call back and complain to the manager, and on top of that, completely FABRICATE the shit out of their story to make the employee(s) look like the ones at fault. Ranging from accusations of an employee (who happened to be the most level headed of the store) getting angry and started throwing and kicking things, to my former co worker spitting starbucks on their food (which totally didn't happen at all. I was there and I was the one who gave her the starbucks), and to claims of the customer after them siding with the scene causing customers. (which in fact was the complete opposite. The customers after them ended up siding with my co workers. All we had to do was watch the tape to see that the complaining customers were lieing right out of their asses. To make a long story short, no co worker was disciplined that day.

10. -people who pay with $100 dollar bills
I'm talking to you, Mexicans of Auburn. I don't care if that wasn't politically correct, but it's true. Most of the people who pay with $100 dollar bills around here are the Mexicans. On to the complaint: The reason why this sucks is that it obviously makes our till depleted of every other currency that we have. The $20's and $5's being the biggest victims of the $100 dollar bill onslaught. With too many of those $100's, we run out of the rest of our money that we use to make change with. For the love of God, don't pay for a $3 dollar item with a $100 dollar bill.

11. -Complainers who make themselves look too stupid to be taken seriously. (picture included)
If you want to make a hand written complaint about our Subway and give it to us, a really good way to make us actually take you seriously is to know how to spell and use grammar. Otherwise I will single handedly tape said note in the back room so we can all have a grand old time laughing our asses at your stupidity and pray that you never spread your genes.

Below is an example of how NOT to write a complaint about us. Enjoy:

by *Grincha

Come see my prints!

Please check out my CafePress shop!

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